The Masks We Wear

Have you ever thought about the many masks we wear in life?  My daughter loves masks, the old fashion masquerade masks.  She has a ton of them.  She is also an art major and has dedicated a couple of her classes this past semester to using these masks in different forms of art.  If she happens to see any masks in her shopping wanderings, she just can’t help herself, she has to buy them.

This has made me do a little pondering about the masks we wear in life.  You know the kind that other people see, but are not necessarily the ones that we feel underneath.  I hadn’t really thought about it before, but I definitely wear masks.

I have a mask that I put on when I go to work each day. I have to be the aide in the classroom that loves the little ones.  Even if the little one that I am trying so hard to love, doesn’t really want to love me back.  I still have to put on that smile, and try to show him that I do really want to help him, which of course I do.  It is hard to keep on the smile, trust me, but I believe that this mask will break through with my little guy eventually.

I have a mask that I put on when I do service in my church.  I have to put on the mask of courage and compassion, when sometimes, deep down, I feel like I need someone to give me courage and hugs.  I hide that because there are always those that need me more than I need.  I am always blessed because I wear this mask.

I wear a mask at home, in fact I have several masks that I wear at home.  Sometimes my mask is a smile, when I really feel like crying.  Sometimes that mask is one of courage, when I need to be strong for someone I love. Sometimes that mask is energy, when I really feel like I could just drop into bed and sleep for 12 hours. Sometimes I wear the mask of fearless determination, when I am fighting for what is best for one of my children. I wear these masks, because I know and understand that if I let these masks come off, it will drastically change the tone of my home.

We all wear masks in life. We all have feelings we need to keep to ourselves.  We all have things we need to hide or keep inside, not only for our own benefit, but for those whom we are around.  I think it is okay to wear these masks.  I think is is good to recognize the masks that we are wearing, be aware of them, and understand that they are masks. Use them wisely, and they will serve us well.

What does your personal mask look like?

What are some of the masks that you wear in life, and how do they help you or others?  I would love to hear about them.

 

Shut Up And Listen!

For starters, SHUT UP is a bad word in our house, but it brings out a point that just can’t be argued with – sometimes we need to just shut up!  As parents we are so full of information and advice, after all we have been through it all, and we know what is best right?  Not necessarily so.  I have to agree that sometimes we know what is best, but even though we went through SOME of the same

Take of your headphones and pay attention

challenges that our kids are going through, it is a very different world than the ones that we grew up in.

I don’t remember having so much pressure, stress, anxiety, depression, options, motives, and opportunities, when I was a teenager.  The only real options were, go to school and get your diploma, then decide what you want to do after that.  Wow, if it was only that simple for our kids today.  There is not just one level of math available in high school, now you have four different options of math to take, a few options of English, and so many other ways that they can choose to graduate.  Choices sometimes can be stressful on our teenagers.

When they come to us with their frustrations, pressures, and rantings, do they want our advice, really?  Not usually.  They really need someone who will listen to them.  They really want to just tell us to Shut Up And Listen!  I learned a long time ago with my first couple of kids, that if they know they can come to you, and VENT – so to speak – when they are young, they will keep coming to you as they get older and the troubles get bigger.  If we choose to not listen to them, but feel we have to offer all kinds of advice and solve the problem for them, they will pretty soon stop coming to VENT to us, and will find other sources that they can turn to.

I promise that often if you can just listen and input a “small” amount of advice here and there, they will usually be able to find the solution to their own problem, and they will feel better about this, than if you turn their venting session into a lecture.  Isn’t that what we want them to do anyway, solve their own problems?  Sure we do, we just have to teach them how to make this happen. It is all a part of both parent and child learning and growing.

Next time your child comes to you with a problem, how about just listening.  Don’t even think of replies while he / she is talking, just listen.  Don’t think of the right thing to say, the advice you should be giving, or even interrupting – just listen.  Then after you are done listening to their real concerns, ask them questions that might help them to find the solutions to their own problem.  You are teaching them, instead of lecturing.  Try it!  You might just find it a good way to communicate, listening!

 

 

Challenge Your Assumptions!

Assumption – taking something for granted, or believing something to be true without any proof

How often do we just assume that we know someone, or know what is going to happen. We assume a lot in life. Have you ever tried to challenge your own assumptions? Have you ever thought of what would happen if you took a different angle on things that you just assume are true, but have never really seen any proof of it? Have you ever tried to look past the things that you assume about someone, and really find out who they are?

Sometimes when we look at things from a different perspective, we can all of a sudden see a solution to that which has been alluding us. I have been thinking on this, because it is really easy to assume that we know enough about someone to make the judgement call on why they are the way they are. When, in fact, once we dig a little deeper, and challenge our assumptions, we find that we are wrong.

If what you were assuming, didn’t exist, would it change things? Would it change the way you look at things? Would it change the people around you? More often than not, the answer is yes, and we then need to ask ourselves if perhaps we need to dig a little deeper to find the solutions to solve the problem we are facing.

What if you ask yourself, “Why does this assumption exist?” Is it because someone told you so? Is it because you read something, somewhere, and so you just assumed it was a fact? Hmmmm….. I think we need to start challenging those kinds of assumptions, because more often than not, they turn out to be just gossip. Test them out to find out if they are true or not. It is way too easy today to find information on anything you want, but it isn’t always true. It is only an assumption, unless proven one way or another. Do some digging, find the root of the assumption, and see if the the fruit of the tree is true or not.

Challenge your assumptions! Don’t ever just assume things. Some questions to summarize:

Can I look at this from a different angle?
If this assumption didn’t exist, would it change things?
Why does my assumption exist? Is it hear say or is it a fact?
Should I do a little more digging to solve the problem?

Let me tell you that assuming things about people can cause more harm than good sometimes. If you don’t believe me, challenge that assumption! Try it out and you just might find that it is true.

I DARE YOU to start challenging your assumptions!

 

Living From Scratch

What does it really mean to live life from scratch?  Most people know what cooking from scratch means, right?  If you are going to cook from scratch, you use the basic ingredients, follow a recipe, and make a great meal.  You don’t cook already prepared meals, frozen or boxed.

How does this relate to life?  In my home, we like to use basic ingredients too.  Living life from scratch, means that we are trying to be self sufficient.  We are trying to do things for ourselves, instead of getting others to do for us.  We are trying to live a simplified life, in a world where that just isn’t what you do.  If cooking from scratch will improve our overall health and well-being, just think of what living from scratch will do for you?

By trying to be more self sufficient, we are always learning new skills.  Having to hire someone to do something for you, is kind of like by frozen dinners.  The price is always more expensive, and you don’t get to add your own flavoring to it. I am trying to teach my family, that if there is something that needs to be done, figure out how to do it, and get it done.  We have brains in our heads, we can figure out most things.  With technology today, information is only a button press away, so why not save yourself a whack of money, and learn to do things for yourself.

Living life this way has saved us thousands of dollars through the years.  In my book, The Frugal Living Guide, I mention how Google is my best friend, and my local library is my University.  If I want to learn something new, I will talk to my best friend and see what she knows, and I will go to my University, and see what they have to tell me about the subject.  Information is very accessible and very free!

Next time, you have a need, why not make Google your best friend too, and see what she / he can tell you about it.

Live life from scratch.  There is a great satisfaction in learning new things, and applying them in life!

 

Why Can’t Everyone Just Do Their Part?

One of my biggest frustrations with people, is that they commit to doing something, and then don’t.  It makes me nuts! Why can’t they just do what they said they would do?

It seems like everywhere I go, there are a few key people who are responsible, and when they make a commitment, they actually stick to it.  Unfortunately for every one of those few key people, they are 2 or 3 times as many, who don’t carry their load. Why?

Is it really that hard?  See, in my mind, if there is something that I really don’t want to do, I just say NO.  In my mind, if there is something that I don’t have time to do, I say NO.  Now don’t get me wrong here, I don’t say NO very often, but if I do, there is a darn good reason.  In fact, my family tells me that I should say NO more often!  When I do say yes, I am committed.  I will always do what I have said I would do.  Why can’t more people be like that?

There is a term that I use probably far too often, “slacker”.  I kind of like the way is sounds when I say it.  Try it, “SLACKER”.  Kind of fun the way it rolls off your tongue. Remember the show, Back To The Future?  I don’t remember which one of these shows it was,

The Principle dealing with the “Slackers”!

but one of them shows the principle and the way that he deals with the “slackers”.  I love it!  Hahaha! This is what I call these people who just don’t seem to want to carry their share of the load.  They are “slackers”.  I wonder if they realize how much more they burden the ones who are actually doing what they are supposed to be doing.  Because you know, we always pick up the slack for the “slackers”.

Don’t be a “slacker”.  If you really don’t have the time, nor the desire to do the work, please just say NO.  It will make life easier for those who are doing the work, if they don’t have to take up your slack.  If you do say NO right from the start, then maybe we can look for others, you know those key ones that we can count on, to help us instead.

Just my opinion here, but maybe someone will listen and make a change.  Then again, maybe not, but it is worth a shot right?

 

Believe In Brighter Things

You know some days, it is just darn hard to believe in anything, let alone believe in bigger things.  My husband and I were talking today at lunch about some of the plagues of the world today, which got me thinking on this a little deeper.  Which made me look up the actual meaning of a plague. 

Plague – an infectious disease – a disease that has a high mortality rate or a calamity with widespread and serious consequences for its victims

It also mentions things like the plagues of Egypt in the Bible, and plagues of insects or disease that destroy crops.

I like the definition of a disease / or a calamity, with widespread and serious consequences for its victims.

Going with this definition, it would be justifiable to say that laziness in the world is a plague.  It would

also be right to say that entitlement is a plague.  What are some of the other things that seriously affect people, that will have serious consequences?  How about lack of caring, abuse, depression / anxiety, stress, pornography, alcohol and drug abuse, and also the many health issues. 

We were kind of talking about being lazy at first, and how we are actually pretty concerned for the generations that are following us, because they don’t have the same work ethics that we were taught.  They seem to not want to do anything more than what is absolutely necessary to get by.  There are a few who have been taught otherwise, but by and large, there is a serious problem with the next generation. 

Then to continue on with this thought, who is going to teach the generation that comes from them?  If they can not do something themselves, they certainly won’t be able to teach it to someone.  The vicious cycle of this plague continues.  Where can we stop it?  How can we believe in things to come that they will be great, when we can’t see past the plagues that are haunting these upcoming generations?  It makes it very hard to be positive.

I do believe that there will be good things to come in the future.  I do also believe that these good things will come because of hard work, preparation, education, and dedication.  I believe that if I teach my children to work hard, love learning, keep the laws of the land, and keeps the laws of God, then at least I have the hope that there will be good things in my future.

What am I going to teach them?
1. Work hard – don’t be lazy, the world has enough lazy people, we need people to work hard and be committed to it
2. Love learning – always be learning something that will improve your life
3. Keep the laws of the land – there is no need to break the laws if you are living a decent life
4. Keep the laws of God – even more so than anything else, keep the laws of God, at least as you know them.  

I believe in brighter things to come!  I believe we can have a healthy productive world, especially if we could get enough parents to buy into it. If we can’t, then I seriously worry for the future.  It is a choice as parents, what we teach our children.  Do we want them to be contributors to society, or leeches in society?  Depending on how we answered that question, will help decide what we need to teach them now.

 

Today’s Plague – Depression

Depression can be such a tough thing. I have several of my own family members and friends that struggle with it on a pretty regular basis. I have even fought against it several times in my life.  It isn’t a fun thing.  Some of us use modern medication to help, some use natural remedies, and some use a mixture of the two. “They” say, (whoever they are) 1 out of 10 people suffer from some form of depression, and it is growing at an alarming rate.

I know many people who have either considered, or attempted suicide, directly because of the state of depression they were in.  They feel like there is no other way out, and they just don’t know what to do.  Unfortunately I also know a few who have succeeded at their attempts, and oh how that hurts, that someone wasn’t there for them, to listen to them, to help them.

 I don’t think that there is any one right answer to help solve depression, any more than there is one reason for it. Sometimes stress can throw us into a depression. Sometimes a hormonal imbalance, or a deficiency in something can do it as well. Economic impact, health issues, and relationships can quickly set off depression. Other times it might be even something more severe, like abuse. I have seen the whole spectrum of depression in so many of the people that I know and love, and believe that sometimes it is just hereditary and some of us are just more likely to get it from this, especially if we let down our guard for even a minute.  I am sure that is why I struggle with it from time to time.

 Regardless of the cause of it, or how we are treating it, depression is a very real thing to those who are going through it. I have asked some of them how they feel, and what they would like to tell people, and more often than not, they just need someone to listen to them. They just want to talk and know that someone cares about how they are feeling. Sometimes they need to just have a reason to smile, because even though they may have plenty reasons to smile, they can’t see the reasons.

 Depression is kind of tricky too. As soon as you think that you have been feeling pretty good for a few days, it can kick you down again pretty quick and pretty hard. You just can’t let your guard down for even a minute.  I remember a particular case of depression, (and I won’t mention names), where the husband was so depressed he couldn’t make himself get off the couch some days, and would just stay curled up in a little ball.  The wife didn’t understand, and would just tell him to get up off the couch and go to work and get over it.  It seemed like such a simple solution to her, but to him it was a much bigger problem.

 Someone who has depression is crying out for help. They need someone to care enough about them to listen! I know when my son was going through some of this, his counselor would tell me, “Just listen to him, don’t try and fix him.” If you know someone who is struggling with depression, LISTEN to them. You don’t have to solve their problem, even though you might think you know how. You don’t have to “help” them, so to speak. You just need to offer your shoulder and listen! Just care enough about them to do this.

What are your thoughts on depression?  If you could tell someone something and have them listen, what would it be? What would you say?  What do you want them to know?

 

 

Anxiety, The Terror

I have two children who deal with severe anxiety all of the time, and I don’t get it.  I try to talk them through it, I listen, and listen some more, and I still don’t understand how they feel.  They understand each other, and I think that helps them to get through a bit more.  When I asked them to describe it in a word, how they feel, the word they came up with was terrifying!  It is overwhelming, they don’t know how to feel it, or how to react to it.  It feels like everything is wrong, yet nothing is wrong at the same time.

I wonder what we have done to our youth today? The stats show that 1 in 8 children suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder.  Out of these children, if they are not treated, they tend to do very poorly in school. 25% of the teenagers that have mild anxiety disorders, have them throughout their lives.  6% that have severe anxiety problems keep them throughout their lives.  I can’t imagine living with them forever, yet I know adults that still deal with it on a regular basis.  Some of them have meds to help, and some have just mastered strategies to help them get through.

First of all, I can’t hardly believe how many different diagnoses there are for different anxiety disorders.

Here are some of them:

Generalized Anxiety

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Panic Disorder

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Specific Phobias

Major Depressive Disorder

Bipolar

Headaches

Sleep Disorders

and the list can go on and on.

I wish I could understand, and relate, but I haven’t dealt with any of these, other than usual day to day stress.  I believe that sometimes I fight some mild depression, but it is nothing to the panic and anxiety that some of my kids go through, and many other people that I know.

Here are some tips that are suggested that you can do to help your child deal with their anxieties.

First of all, you need to believe them, that they have a real problem, and they need to know that they can trust in you.  They also need to see you remain calm as they are struggling.  I have found that lots of time, my kids don’t need me to try and solve what they are going through, (thank goodness), they just need me to listen, and let them know that I am there for them.

Please don’t punish them for their lack of accomplishment.  Of course they need to have boundaries, and rules, but they don’t need to feel so much pressure that they will get in trouble if they don’t succeed at their project, school work, or chores.  What they do need is support, and recognition in ALL of the little accomplishments along the way.  Feed them positive, not the negative.  They get enough of their own negative from themselves, their peers, their teachers, and everybody else they cross paths with.  They need to be able to count on their own family for the positive support that they need.  The world will beat them down enough, we shouldn’t add to it.

Routine is important, because often changes in scheduling and routines can cause them extra stress. I know my son used to have a really hard time if we ever changed our plans at the last minute.  We always had to give him plenty of notice and try to work him into the changes.  As he has grown, he is much better able to control this, but it still bothers him when his routine is upset.  We have had to be really flexible with his schooling.  We home schooled him for quite a few years, from grade 4 – 10, and we always had t have flexible days. On good days we got a lot accomplished, and on the rough days, we just had to relax and have some fun together.  It was really good to develop a relationship with each other.  I am glad we did that.  Now that he is in high school, I have to work very closely with the counselors, and we are flexible with his schedule and the courses he takes.  I must admit that having such great counselors has been a huge blessing.  He feels like he can go to them for anything.  Bonus!!  It has been a rocky road for him, but we are winning the battle, and he is learning strategies that help him deal with his panic attacks and his anxiety.

It isn’t easy at all to live with someone with anxiety, but even more importantly, it isn’t easy for them to live with it.  Some days, I wish I could just have a glimpse into their minds and see just what they are feeling, so that I could help them better.  I am however, getting much better with patience and understanding, and I have really learned to listen to my kids.  They don’t want lectures, or speeches, or even advice.  They want someone to listen to them, and if you happen to get in the odd suggestion, or the odd hug, then all the better!!

I really feel that we as a society, are putting way too much pressure on our children.  I feel that we are feeding their bodies and minds with too much garbage, and it is causing so many problems.  I don’t know the solution to stopping this, but I do know that I can change the way things are in my home.  I do know that there are strategies and supports in place so that kids can deal with their anxieties.  I do know that I am a bit worried for the coming generations, as they have so many more struggles than most of us ever grew up with, and how are they going to run this crazy world we are creating for them, when they can barely manage their own day to day lives?

It is a tough one.  It is a serious one.  It is a really important one.  As a parent, teacher, grandparent, employer, counselor, or any other role model, we really need to start making a difference for these kids.  Nobody else will.  It is up to us.

LISTEN TO THEM, THEY WILL TELL US WHAT THEY NEED!

 

 

Hungry For Knowledge

Have you ever felt that you have this hunger for knowledge and you just can’t seem to get enough?  I always feel like that.  I go to the library a lot, checking out books on: blogging do’s and don’ts, frugal living, herbs, and a few other things that I have been interested in learning about.  In

fact, it seems that every time I have a few minutes, I take back the books I have rummaged through and find the next set.  My family thinks I am crazy, and maybe I am, but I just can’t seem to get enough information.

Some of the things that I have learned in the past, and am still learning include: herbal medicine, self reliance and emergency preparedness, working with children with disabilities, knitting, crocheting, how to be happy, how to make a blog, how to draw traffic to your blogs, how to be at peace with my life, how to really find friends that matter, how to cook anything from scratch, canning, food storage, and the list goes on and on. If I think of something, and don’t know how to do it, I learn it. I take my best friend (Google), and head to my university (the library), and go to it. I think the more things we can be independent in, the better off we are.

I took a free class that was being offered by our church community, it was about 25 years ago, and I learned how to do a basic hair cut. I have always cut my family’s hair since that time. The girls as they have grown have also learned to cut hair because they have watched me. We don’t do anything fancy, but we sure have experimented. I even have my girls help me cut my own hair. Learning a simple skill like hair cutting can save hundreds of dollars a year. I decided one time

that I wanted to get my own hair cut a certain way and wanted it colored, so I made an appointment with the hair dresser. All said and done, I loved my hair but it cost me $150. Yikes!

It was a learning experience for me, and now I have my girls help me do the same thing. I watched what the hair dresser did, and said I can do that! Now I do it myself. It isn’t perfect by any means, but that doesn’t matter to me. I can’t even begin to add up the thousands of dollars I have saved through the last 25 years on hair cuts for my family. All because I took an hour long class for free.

Do some checking around for things like this and find where you can learn these things. What about cutting your own dog’s hair? It can cost $45 – $100 or even more if you have a large dog, to get them shampooed and cut. You know what? The dogs don’t care what they look like. Purchase a good dog clipper for the price of two cuts, and start doing it yourself. Pretty soon you will have it mastered, and your dogs will not know the difference.

I have a friend that has learned to decorate her own cakes, and she makes everyone in the family their own birthday cakes. They taste way better than the store bought ones, and saves her half the price she would spend if she were buying them. 

 

Every little skill you learn, that you don’t have to purchase, will save you money. Become a learning machine and make a difference for your family’s budget. 

We should never tire of learning and improving.  The knowledge is out there and it is free.  We can be the best that we need to be in our homes, and it doesn’t have to cost us a ton of money.

 

What Matters Most

You know I always thought that when we grew up and became ladies and gentlemen, that the teenage drama would stop, and we could all be friends.  I always thought that the little petty things in life would kind of grow up and mature with us.  Unfortunately, I have figured out that this is not so.  In fact, I am finding that it seems to be getting more and more frequent.  I just don’t understand it.

Are those little things really important?  I don’t think so.  Do these things really matter in life?  I guess to some people they do.  To me I have more important things to think on.  Things that really matter the most to me.

Thomas S. Monson says the things that should matter most are to spend time with, cherish, and express love to the people we hold the most dear.  He tells us to relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family.  I don’t see anywhere in his teachings does he say that petty things in life, matter most, or at all. 

My family matters the most to me.  I love my family and don’t have time to waste on things that don’t matter.  They matter most.  I do cherish them.  I do spend most of my time with them, and they are my
world.  They are the reason that I find joy in my journey. 

I have some really good friends that matter most to me also.  You know the kind of friend that has lived
with you through trials, has been there by your side through good times and bad, and has held your hand, laughed and cried with you, and has earned the title of dear friend.  They are rare, and when you find them, you need to realize that they matter most.  Hang on to them, and cherish them, treat them like a true friend, and they will always be there for you.

My faith matters most to me also.  It is my way of life that is a really good way of life.  My beliefs and my faith keep me grounded. They give me purpose in life.  They give me hope in a great future.  They give me reasons to keep going when life tells me otherwise.  They give me direction when I feel lost.  My faith matters most to me.

I don’t understand the drama, the pettiness, the way some people are.  They have the wrong idea of what matters most.  People can not hurt me, because I choose not to let them.  I have a good life, and I wish that I could share with others the way that I feel.  I am in control of who I allow to affect my life.

I choose to only allow the things that matter most in my life, affect my life and who I will be.